The Sanctity of Marriage, Or You Can't Buy Self Respect
Entertainment: Sports
As we've heard many times over the years from conservative corners, gays and lesbians can't be allowed to marry because marriage is a "sacred" thing between a man and a woman. Laws allowing same-sex couples to marry would "cheapen" that, they insist. That begs the question, of course, that there is some mechanism by which one relationship cheapens or affirms another, but we're not supposed to mention that. Equally ridiculous is the fact that so many opposite-sex couples have gone out of their way to cheapen their own relationships. This seems to be especially true when money and fame come into the mix. Ask NBA wives.
The latest "news" from the NBA marriage front is the story out of Salt Lake City that Masha Lapatova, wife of Utah Jazz player Andrei Kirilenko, has given her husband an "allowance" of one NBA groupie per year. How she plans to guarantee that he restricts himself to the "approved" number of flings, I'm not quite sure. Why not just tell him he can fuck around if he wants to--because you're more interested in the money and lifestyle than you are in self respect?
I'm not going to debate whether someone should or should not be monogamous, because I think that has to be a decision that both people in a relationship make together. What I will say is that going through the ritual of pledging to "forsake all others" is a farce if you don't plan to live by those promises. Why ask your spouse to make the promises if you don't think s/he's capable of living up to them? Why get married if you don't want to live by the vows? For the pretty dresses and the spectacle? Donate the money to a charity and just live together.
Of course, Masha is not the first NBA wife to sacrifice her self-respect for the cash and the face time on camera. Some are willing to risk their physical safety and the future of their children. Like Joumana Kidd, wife of New Jersey Nets' point guard Jason Kidd. When Kidd was the star on the Phoenix Suns, his wife made a call to 911. After first hanging up, Joumana told the operator (who called back) that her husband had physically assaulted her (in front of their son) and that it was "nothing compared to what he usually does." The Suns promptly traded him to New Jersey, where he spent the next year whining about how he'd been wronged by the Phoenix powers-that-be. Mrs. Kidd packed up the couple's young son and moved to the East Coast with her abusive husband. As far as the criminal charges, Jason plead guilty but got off by going to counseling for six whole months and paying a $200 fine--with the charges dropped completely if he stayed out of trouble for a year; the NBA didn't discipline him at all. Since that incident, the Kidds have both been prone to pushing their young son in front of TV cameras to prove what a great family they have. He has been known to plop the kid on the table in front of him at post-game press conferences, almost like a shield. She makes sure the kid is in the stands, even when the games are in hostile cities. Jason blows kisses to his wife and son every time he steps to the free throw line, just like he always has. No one ever asks about the environment in which the child (and, now, his two siblings) is (are) being raised. No one ever mentions that boys who grow up in abusive homes are more likely to be abusive as adults. No, Mrs. Kidd is more concerned about the television career that she has always wanted.
But these women and their husbands are not the ones commonly scorned by male basketball fans. No, the usual object of derision is former player Doug Christie and his wife. Now, admittedly, they seem to have an odd relationship--at least as portrayed by much of the press. The charge is that she "emasculates" him by always being with him--"whipped" is the word constantly used. In my experience, that term is generally applied to men who don't treat their female partners like shit. Christie seems happy. Jackie seems happy. They don't hit each other. They don't screw around on each other. They like to be together. But theirs is the relationship that is "twisted". Isn't heterosexual marriage a beautiful, sacred thing?
As we've heard many times over the years from conservative corners, gays and lesbians can't be allowed to marry because marriage is a "sacred" thing between a man and a woman. Laws allowing same-sex couples to marry would "cheapen" that, they insist. That begs the question, of course, that there is some mechanism by which one relationship cheapens or affirms another, but we're not supposed to mention that. Equally ridiculous is the fact that so many opposite-sex couples have gone out of their way to cheapen their own relationships. This seems to be especially true when money and fame come into the mix. Ask NBA wives.
The latest "news" from the NBA marriage front is the story out of Salt Lake City that Masha Lapatova, wife of Utah Jazz player Andrei Kirilenko, has given her husband an "allowance" of one NBA groupie per year. How she plans to guarantee that he restricts himself to the "approved" number of flings, I'm not quite sure. Why not just tell him he can fuck around if he wants to--because you're more interested in the money and lifestyle than you are in self respect?
I'm not going to debate whether someone should or should not be monogamous, because I think that has to be a decision that both people in a relationship make together. What I will say is that going through the ritual of pledging to "forsake all others" is a farce if you don't plan to live by those promises. Why ask your spouse to make the promises if you don't think s/he's capable of living up to them? Why get married if you don't want to live by the vows? For the pretty dresses and the spectacle? Donate the money to a charity and just live together.
Of course, Masha is not the first NBA wife to sacrifice her self-respect for the cash and the face time on camera. Some are willing to risk their physical safety and the future of their children. Like Joumana Kidd, wife of New Jersey Nets' point guard Jason Kidd. When Kidd was the star on the Phoenix Suns, his wife made a call to 911. After first hanging up, Joumana told the operator (who called back) that her husband had physically assaulted her (in front of their son) and that it was "nothing compared to what he usually does." The Suns promptly traded him to New Jersey, where he spent the next year whining about how he'd been wronged by the Phoenix powers-that-be. Mrs. Kidd packed up the couple's young son and moved to the East Coast with her abusive husband. As far as the criminal charges, Jason plead guilty but got off by going to counseling for six whole months and paying a $200 fine--with the charges dropped completely if he stayed out of trouble for a year; the NBA didn't discipline him at all. Since that incident, the Kidds have both been prone to pushing their young son in front of TV cameras to prove what a great family they have. He has been known to plop the kid on the table in front of him at post-game press conferences, almost like a shield. She makes sure the kid is in the stands, even when the games are in hostile cities. Jason blows kisses to his wife and son every time he steps to the free throw line, just like he always has. No one ever asks about the environment in which the child (and, now, his two siblings) is (are) being raised. No one ever mentions that boys who grow up in abusive homes are more likely to be abusive as adults. No, Mrs. Kidd is more concerned about the television career that she has always wanted.
But these women and their husbands are not the ones commonly scorned by male basketball fans. No, the usual object of derision is former player Doug Christie and his wife. Now, admittedly, they seem to have an odd relationship--at least as portrayed by much of the press. The charge is that she "emasculates" him by always being with him--"whipped" is the word constantly used. In my experience, that term is generally applied to men who don't treat their female partners like shit. Christie seems happy. Jackie seems happy. They don't hit each other. They don't screw around on each other. They like to be together. But theirs is the relationship that is "twisted". Isn't heterosexual marriage a beautiful, sacred thing?
posted by Chomskyite | 3:12 PM
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